Meeting other people in a romantic way can be anxiety-provoking, difficult, or even terrifying.
This is true for everyone, straight or otherwise. But as I’m sure you may know, LGBTQ dating is not the same as straight dating. That’s where the AYA(As You Are) App comes in.
At AYA, we help you get connected with other people who share your thoughts, opinions, and feelings. We are specifically focused on the queer community because we understand how important sexual orientation can be. Rather than you having to look for people on cis-hetero dating apps, it’s actually a better idea to look for people who are compatible with your unique needs and desires.
We make LGBTQ dating easier, especially in a place like India where there is so much stigma, hatred, and fear that has to be overcome. We try to not just keep you safe, but also ensure that you find the right person. However, the key to getting a good match on AYA is writing a good dating profile. The question is how do you do that?
What kinds of things do you say? What kind of things do you not say? What will help you get a good match? We’re here with a step-by-step dating profile guide so that you can get the match that you deserve.
5 things you must consider for an LGBTQ dating app
Any good profile does a few things. It has certain qualities to it. It communicates clearly about who you are and what you seek. It should also clearly establish the initial ground rules you want to set for your relationship. It intrigues, inspires, and incites people to want to connect with you. That said, it should not be too far away from reality, because otherwise, it’s not a ‘great’ profile, but a ‘fake’ profile.
Before we get into specific questions, there are a few general tips for writing an online dating profile.
- Be Honest! Answer questions and fill in information however you think it is truthful to you. This will help you find people who are like-minded, and you won’t get stuck having to uphold a lie!
- Be Clear. Say what you want to say, how you want to say it. We know this may be difficult, since English may not be your first language. But, as much as you can, use language that directly conveys your thoughts. And when that’s not possible, explain what you mean. This way there’s no confusion.
- Have Some Fun! There’s no requirement to be serious. You can be a little silly, tell a joke, make a pun, whatever you want. People will see this as a sign of your humanity and may be more likely to talk to you.
- Be Firm. There will be times when some people might w ant to push your boundaries. If you do not feel comfortable sharing your pictures, personal information, or your name and number etc. feel free to say a firm ‘no’! Remember, not every person you meet on dating app has to be invited to your whatsapp messenger, or your social media profile.
- Lastly, Be Safe. Only share as much information as you feel comfortable sharing. While it’s important to have fun, you also want to make sure that you are staying safe and not putting yourself in any danger.
Some other things to keep in mind when writing a good profile for LGBTQ Dating App are as follows:
- Be easy but not cheap. It is important to know the subtle difference between openness and being obnoxiously in the face. It is great to show confidence, it’s equally annoying to display snobbery. Similarly, clear quest is great, desperation is not.
- Don’t be a One Upper. There is nothing more obnoxious than someone always trying to one-up another person. You’re trying to know and date this person, not compete with, and humiliate them. So, before you start acting in an obnoxious manner, think twice.
- Be Yourself. This one cannot be emphasized enough. Do not project something you are not. While it maybe cool, remember there’s a person on the other side. Please respect them, just like you would respect yourself. Also, anything that you lie about, creates a cause for conflict later. No successful relationships can be formed on the foundation of a lie.
- Don’t be pushy. Don’t push someone to disclose their personal details, or pictures, or social media profiles. Different people have different circumstances and hence different priorities and preferences in terms of coming out. It is important to give them the space to do what they feel like doing with their life. Also, if you like someone who would come out sooner, you can at best classify them as potentially incompatible, but there isn’t much else to do.
- Mom’s basic courtesy rules uphold. Just because you happen to be on an LGBTQ dating app, doesn’t mean that the basic cis-hetero social courtesy rules like politeness, friendliness, affection, respect etc. don’t matter. They all matter just the same. So, do not ignore the basics, assuming that this is a different world. Even queer people live in the same world you see.
Your Personal Summary
In this section, you put some background information about yourself. This can be a lot of things, from the material to the immaterial.
You could talk about your job, saying what you do or where you work. This can provide insight into your personality, so it might be a good thing to include!
You could also discuss your pets, garden, or other things you have and are proud of. Again, these often tell people a little bit about who you are.
There are personality traits as well. You could say that you’re creative, hard-working, and dedicated. Or are you intellectual? Philosophical? All of that goes here.
Lastly, there are your hobbies and interests. What you do for fun, what activities you might like, etc.
This will tell people a lot about what spending time with you might be like, so it’s a good indicator of fit.
If you include some of these basic details, you’re one step closer to having a successful profile for queer dating in India.
Talk about things that are important to you when it comes to the kind of dating life or relationship you want to create. Ethical? With integrity? Honest? Loving? What are your ethical priorities? What’s your political leaning, how important are they for you?
Values determine a lot of compatibilities, they run deep enough to cause a significant impact on your dating life. They are important because they define your core. They determine how happy will it make when you meet someone on an LGBTQ dating app, without having to compromise with your core personality.
Remember your values are core to you. A lot of people are family-oriented. Others are not. If two people do not think of families the same way, then there is a disconnect in relationship goals at the very beginning. Unless one of them is simply in an exploratory phase.
However, if you’re in an exploratory phase, you might want to make that clear to the other person at the beginning itself. This could be a deterrent, but it would be better than investing everyone’s time in something that’s not compatible, to begin with.
Your Idea of a Relationship
LGBTQ dating apps often work differently than straight dating apps.
This is because of all of the other social and internal factors that come into play, and is especially true for transgender dating, because of the added element of gender identity.
But, like all people, you are still looking for certain things in a relationship.
This is not where you discuss what you want in a partnerâ€” that will come later.
This section is for you to share what you look for in a relationship.
Do you want something serious, or something more casual? How often would you want to see each other?
Do you want it to be public, or more discreet? Are there specific things you need, like strong communication or supportiveness? Are you trying to find your soulmate?
All of these questions help tell other people what kind of relationship you are looking for and decide whether or not they are interested.
It also helps our team of psychological experts find matches for you that will give you what you want and need in a relationship.
Again, being honest here is important. It’s okay to be blunt about what you want because that will avoid confusion and help other people find you.
The more specific you are, the higher your chances of having a successful LGBTQ+ dating life in India are going to be.
Remember, even here, the generic relationship rules apply. Just like a cis-hetero relationship, even here people want to have clarity in terms of what kind of a relationship they seek. Otherwise, it becomes very difficult to be together with different life and relationship goals.
Your Partner Preferences
This is the section where you talk all about what you are looking for in another person. There are a few different areas here, so let’s look at them each individually.
What traits do you want your partner to have? Strong, individual, and level-headed? Emotional and caring? Carefree and living in the moment? Share what type of person you think would mix well with you.
Are you looking for someone who likes nature, long walks, gardening? Someone who watches a lot of movies?
A gamer? Finding people whose hobbies match yours will help to ensure that you get along better.
This one’s a bit more complicated, but it boils down to this: how do you want them to feel towards you, and what do you want the relationship to be like? Do you want them to be your best friend or your partner in crime? Do you want your time together to be serious, silly, or somewhere in between?
Sometimes your partner preferences can also include their location. If you’re not someone who wants to explore long-distance relationships at all, then you may want to specify that. At the same time, if you are looking for simply a friends-with-benefits situation, that’s OK too.
Remember, there are no right or wrong relationship formats. There are only the honest and dishonest ones. So, being transparent and honest will actually help you take your relationship a long long way.
These three things are the essentials for your partner’s preferences. If you answer them honestly, it will help you get matched with people who will be a good fit for you.
What to avoid
When creating a profile on an LGBTQ dating app, you can avoid a few things. Try not to be stereotypical. There are enough foodies, enough travelers, enough shutterbugs out there. No one wants more of them. Understanding the fact your hobbies only accentuate who you are, they don’t define you; is important.
Similarly, do not judge people. If as a queer person, you judge other queer people, what does that say about you? You may not be compatible with someone, but do you have to judge them? Well, not necessarily.
Avoid mentioning too many personal details. Also, avoid intrusive questions. Remember, different people have a different pace of coming out, opening up.
Asking too many personal questions is intrusive. However, if you someone avoiding even simple basic questions, that’s a red flag. The same goes for you.
The key is to take it slow and steady and to find a balance.
Some of the other things you might want to avoid are mentioning any identifiable details. Remember that your profile writes up is public. Anyone using the app can see it. Do you really want someone to know where exactly you work, and what designation? It isn’t difficult to combine that information with your name and stalk you on LinkedIn.
Please do not leave your profile blank. You have to communicate. Otherwise, people have no way of connecting with you and knowing you or being interested in you. Just being on the platform is never enough. There has to be more to it than your presence.